The Holidays …. Happy or Nah?

Now that the holidays are upon us........

When young in age, the pain and pressure of loss, confusion or disorientation over change in relationship doesn't usually exist. Children are afforded the opportunity too focus on the joy felt of the commercialization of the holidays. They are shielded from truth only recognizing what has been put before them.

Unfortunately,in these unprecedented times that many have coined as a happy time of year, families are experiencing unmendable issues and problems forcing them to construct families rather than excepting or dealing with the family they were born in to. I've witnessed friends put together their version of thanksgiving calling it friendsgiving to take the pressure off the perverted representations of the holiday that has been branded in their minds from trauma.  Some repeat this effort at Christmas time to shun away the loneliness and abandonment that has been felt when trying to find words to ask for help in the midst of pain.

I’m slowly learning that although I commend their bravery of rebuilding family and not accepting the fate handed out, the grand gesture only becomes a coping mechanism to move through the pain of traumatic experiences triggered by this time of year.

When in celebration mode many are so caught up in their individual silos that opportunities are missed to assist someone that doesn’t have the same experiences, memories or family to help them get through trauma. We’ve become so enthralled in the commercialization of holidays that we tend to forget to even ask about the wellbeing and/or the mental health of others. Remember TRAUMA shows up differently for everyone. It can show up in an unhealthy relationship with food, physical disfigurement, anxiety, etc. It is important that although our circles are small, we must extend beyond them to ensure that people are aware of lifelines that exist.

Current studies show that data on suicides are no longer heightened during the holiday months but it is everyone’s responsibility to #Bethere all year around. People that are going to commit suicide do not look like they are going to commit suicide.

Below 👇🏽 I have added a link for more information on suicide from the CDC. Please check it out and pass it on to anyone that may need it.

https://www.cdc.gov/injury/features/be-there-prevent-suicide/index.html

Suicide was not the topic of this post but we can't have a real conversation about the holidays without a real discussion on this topic.

So how do we conquer the holidays:

1. Remember the reason for the season:

We all get caught up in what others say the holidays should look like.

Define the holidays for you and your family taking the pressure off of living up to unrealistic expectations. Ensure that your small community has input on the outcome ensuring that all are on the same page. This will decrease disappointment and increase the joy the holidays should bring.

2. Check in with your community leading up to each holiday.

Create a buddy list to be sure that everyone has an accountability partner. I know it sounds corny but this will ensure that everyone on your team has someone checking on the wellbeing of each individual person and it will not be the responsibility of one person. When it is the responsibility of one person it becomes overwhelming and things or people and behaviors are overlooked. When one person is consistently checking on someone, they can tell immediately when something is different.

3. Have hard conversations and ask for help when necessary.

Sometimes it is hard to have real conversations with the people we love about mental health but as their accountability partner love them enough to have them or scream for help even if they get angry. If something doesn't look right, it probably isn't. Remember there are plenty of resources available and have some on hand when you approach the conversation. Bring reinforcements as your backup and prepare your feelings knowing that they do not mean to hurt them. People do not like to admitting when they need help.

Trauma is real and there are so many things that will trigger dormant feelings.

You are your brother and sister's keeper!